Wishing all Those Old Things Were New: “First-Feelings”
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I was standing out infront of my old apartment in Boston yesterday. I last lived there in that specific spot in 2000. ”Wishing all these old things were new” is a song by Merle Haggard. It is off his 2000 album, “If I Could Only Fly“. The song is less of a lament than it is a reflection on those “first” feelings. I was thinking about this song while standing out infront of my old Boston place. My time in Boston was chock full of first-feelings.
It is Monday morning. I spent the weekend in Boston on a journey through my past. I ran into the ghost of many first-feeling while I was there. I caught up with old friends and retraced some steps that I took when I was Beantown bachelor. One of my fave first-feelings I tried to recapture was attending a Red Sox game. When I lived in Boston I went to dozens of games. I love taking a Sunday Boston Globe sports section to my seat, sipping on a ice cold beer and watching the Sox “Play Ball!”. I remember the first Sox game I went to when I was a kid. I might as well have gone to Jupiter to meet aliens. Everything about it was awe-inspiring, overwhelming and flat-out thrilling.
Of course, I couldn’t hit that same raw nerve again yesterday, but it was still a great feeling to be out there in the stands backing the hometown team. In between innings at games they play random songs. They played a lot of country songs yesterday. I was surprised, but maybe I shouldn’t have been. Country is a consistent seller these days. Today’s country is a lowest common denominator play: BBQs, Gap influenced cowboy and cowgirl garb, cheesy lyrics and a pop sound. It’s not my thing, but then again, I am not part of the lowest common denominator crowd.
One song that came blaring out of the speakers was the Stones, “Jumping Jack Flash”. I hadn’t heard it in a long time. I have heard it countless times. Hearing it yesterday was jarring and exciting. It sounded fresh. You here old songs that you have listened to so much that you build up a callous to them. You forget how damn good they are and how much you like them. They don’t hit bone like they used to. Yesterday’s serendipitous Stones song surprise felt like a first-feeling.
Music, unlike other media (movies, books, magazine articles, photo books, etc.) has repeat use. You play certain songs to invoke memories, to fuel a workout, to send a message to a lover, to kick-off a Saturday night’s partying…you fave tune is always a play button or needle dropping away. You can’t replicate the first feelings of a first listen. You can try and conjure them up when you fire-up that fave song.
After the game I went back to my hotel room and trolled through my itunes library and played some other old faves. The difference this time is that I listened to them. I listened for those bits that struck sparks with me so many listens ago. It felt good. Do that this week. Go find old faves and actually listen to them as if you’ve never heard them before. It is a refreshing and exciting.
I thought back to my old Boston apartment again. It was amazing to me to think about what I’ve done since I lived there. In eight short years, I got married in the Dominican Republic. I moved to Florida. I moved to Australia and lived and worked in Sydney for five years. I moved to London where I live today. I have traveled to many cool places around the world. There are lots of first-feelings mixed in there. I’m not big on living out my past over and over again. The past is just a record of where you’ve come from. I’m most interested where I am going next…looking for more firsts.
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It’s sometimes hard to find new firsts. Reliving the old ones becomes comfortable. It’s a challenge. I’ll take it. P.S. love the new look. Safe travels.
this made me think of that reservoir dogs conversation about ‘like a virgin.’ to keep your fans’ interest over a long period of time, every album has to be slightly different than what’s come (zing) before it. i broke my fenway cherry a few years ago but don’t remember any ‘country’ music…for that I am glad. (incidentally, sweet picture!)
@jukebox65 Thx Stacey. I’m with you on the challenge.
@dopeburger Pete: good one. I didn’t think of that link to “Dogs”. p.s. my train is stopped right now. Tree fell on the train lines in Rhode Island. Definitely not going to make it in to NYC until later than I thought. I’ll reach out int eh next couple days.
Some on made a comment to me about my thoughts on “first”. What I was talking about were those true, on the spot, at that moment “firsts”. Those are distinct moments. We always have the opportunity for new firsts, even if they are variations on a theme. The point is that new firsts are always around the corner and we need to keep seeking them out to stay fresh and vital. Keep at it…
As someone who is deeply nostalgic (did you know that nostalgia was once considered an illness, an condition that qualified sending a soldier home), I believe in the test of time being one of the greatest filtrations of Value. If anything has true Value or Quality, it will last, it will haunt you and it will continue to sink your gut the fourth time around (of course, this would mean that fashion is the great anti-thesis of Value, and lo, there is truth).Knowing all that, one must also realize that one can never return home. The original moment has come and gone. Any attempt to revisit or reproduce that moment is by fact a pale pursuit of gravel gone. That in itself is a corrupting difference, for your original moment was not made in the shadow of another.So it feels like a tug war of need, that of knowing the confinement of remembrances, and that of its great enchantment and empowerment. And sometimes I seek to declare detachment, in a moment of glassy confidence in all its futility and naivety. When I first heard The Kinks’ “No More Looking Back” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oteuNaL-4Q), I felt that moment crystallized (knowing full well how clinically nostalgic Mr Davies is)… you listen to that song, and you can sense the protagonist fighting with himself, but who is he trying to fool? How would he escape that gravity of everything past? It’s a brilliant encapsulation as Davies raise his voice through out the song, each time insisting more brazenly than the last how he desires to break free from the past but in doing so, each time sounding more and more desperate and futile.
@idlehead nice call on the Kinks.