“No method, no guru, no teacher” – Van Morrison
“You don’t need no gypsy to tell you why” – Gregg Allman
“I just believe…in me” – John Lennon
_____
I want to lose my sense of boundary. I do not want to live in a linear fashion any more. The shit has definitely hit the existential fan for me.
The linear track that has been laid or for us/me…teens, twenties, thirties…weeks, months, years…you must, you do, you’ve done…I don’t like it. This linear thing is all about getting somewhere before you end up dying. This is what we are supposed to do; I am not and have never been a fan of “supposed to”. I don’t want to live my life like that any more. What I aim to do is to create my own personal meaning/existence in contrast to this general theory. That being said, I have failed to act on this having not yet made the full-on commitment to do so.
Why not? Really, there is no honest reason why except that I haven’t made the choice to do so. This is where some turn pro and some turn tail and run and hide…making choices. Through our choices we become who we are. The biggest choice I need to make today is to choose that I will break from this linear track and act on my theory/authentic view on how I should be living my life. In this case, I’m looking for a crutch, a spark to push me to make this choice (this is not a good thing per se, but I need to start somewhere). So, today I am going to attempt to rewire my circuits in a sensory deprivation tank.
(If you want to know much more about the sensory deprivation tanks, check this out)
A sensory deprivation tank is a light-less, soundproof tank in which subjects float in salty water at skin temperature. Epsom salt
is added to the water in the tank to raise the density of the water
above the density of the human body, so that you float with your face above the water. The ears are submerged
so that hearing is greatly reduced. When the arms float to the
side, skin sensation is greatly reduced because the air and water are
the same temperature as the skin, and the feeling of a body boundary
fades.
The idea is that you reach a severe state of relaxation after about twenty minutes and then then the theta brainwaves start to take over. Theta brainwaves are found in the brain state of REM sleep (dreams), hypnosis, lucid dreaming, and the barely conscious state just before sleeping. This range of brainwaves has been associated with reports of relaxed, meditative, and creative states. You retain consciousness but access subconscious thoughts.
I know this is not a magic tank where I will emerge an all-knowing, all-seeing being. The reason I am doing it is, a) I am curious about it and what it is like and, b) I do want to start to filter out a lot of the clutter in my thought process and I think this might be a starting point to doing it on an ongoing basis. My expectations are that I will have the opportunity to put everything on pause and start to find the focus perspective necessary to make the right choices in order to live the existence that I want.
“Existence that I want”. What is it that I mean by that? A linear life…for me…is a life lived on a timeline where too much dependence on my past limits my current choices, thus implicating my future. I am trying to live a non-linear life where I sit in the centre of my existence and all of my experiences, values, influences hover around me. At any time I can theoretically pluck them out and use them to make the right choices that lead me in the right direction. This way my choices are not contingent on a past that dictates “what I am to do next”. Ultimately I want my choices to be made based on the opportunities at hand and where they could lead me and not on the requirements of the situation that forces me to make a decision (not necessarily the right one).
_____
My choices are something (the only thing?) I can can actually control. If I am “born here and will die here against my will” as Dylan puts it, in between that space, I alone alone can create an existence that I aspire to have (and I have lofty personal goals) through making choices (that I will be solely responsible for) based on personal values and experiences, and not, necessarily, timelines.
On to the tank…
p.s. about three years ago I wrote an essay that touched on existential themes. Looking back it was a good if not naive effort to start to form a personal philosophy something I was/am interested in: choices>responsibility>freedom. Have a read if you are interested:
Like this:
Be the first to like this post.