A Judd’s Juke Joint Xmas: A Holiday Happening from the Hills of Ol’ N.H.
Here we go again…it is the time of year for sitting around the fireplace with family and reciting time tested tales of holiday cheer and christmas joy…unless you spend your xmas eves at Judd’s Juke Joint!
Judd’s Juke Joint:
Where we don’t go caroling…we go carousing.
Where spreading cheer and drinking beer go hand-in-hand.
Where naughty and nice are our kind of girls. That’s right…Judd’s Juke Joint is the place where all those who didn’t make Santa’s list go on xmas eve. Good kids gone bad; saints turned to sinners; losers and winners; everyone is invited and that means you. About five or six years ago, I wrote a little story about what goes on during xmas eve at Judd’s Juke Joint. Each year I share this with good friends who embody the JJJ spirit. We are a little family of freaks, weasels and Champions of Fun. This year, is different. This year I am sharing that with everyone….the extended 6149 family. And why, not eh? Tradition is best when shared. What says tradition more than a time of year when we feed the capitalist retail pigs all the sludge they can eat from the trough by buying presents and flowers and trees for the wife and kiddies…and jewelry, crotchless panties and exotic trips for the mistress. Load up on gifts and then load up on the booze. A time honored tradition for sure. Are you familiar with Judd’s Juke Joint? It is a real-fake place that currently only exists in my mind. Someday soon, I will build it and you will come. Have a read here of what Judd’s Juke Joint is all about (see you soon).
____ On with the show! This is a tall tale, but one not too far from the truth. Some of the Juke Joint’s regulars are called out by name: these people have true grit; charter members. Sure I copped the rhythm and the roll for this ditty from the famous “A Night before Christmas”, but that is what makes it special and warms our hearts (and it is a qick gimmick, too). The setting is a backwoods bar in the hills of Ol’ New Hampshire where the state motto is “Live Free or Die”…and that is exactly what we do at Judd’s Juke Joint. Pull up a chair by the fire, snuggle up next a love one, pull the tab off another Pabst Blue Ribbon 16 oz’er and enjoy another Judd’s Juke Joint Xmas (remember: you gotta read this as you would the “night before christmas”).
Where spreading cheer and drinking beer go hand-in-hand.
Where naughty and nice are our kind of girls. That’s right…Judd’s Juke Joint is the place where all those who didn’t make Santa’s list go on xmas eve. Good kids gone bad; saints turned to sinners; losers and winners; everyone is invited and that means you. About five or six years ago, I wrote a little story about what goes on during xmas eve at Judd’s Juke Joint. Each year I share this with good friends who embody the JJJ spirit. We are a little family of freaks, weasels and Champions of Fun. This year, is different. This year I am sharing that with everyone….the extended 6149 family. And why, not eh? Tradition is best when shared. What says tradition more than a time of year when we feed the capitalist retail pigs all the sludge they can eat from the trough by buying presents and flowers and trees for the wife and kiddies…and jewelry, crotchless panties and exotic trips for the mistress. Load up on gifts and then load up on the booze. A time honored tradition for sure. Are you familiar with Judd’s Juke Joint? It is a real-fake place that currently only exists in my mind. Someday soon, I will build it and you will come. Have a read here of what Judd’s Juke Joint is all about (see you soon).
____ On with the show! This is a tall tale, but one not too far from the truth. Some of the Juke Joint’s regulars are called out by name: these people have true grit; charter members. Sure I copped the rhythm and the roll for this ditty from the famous “A Night before Christmas”, but that is what makes it special and warms our hearts (and it is a qick gimmick, too). The setting is a backwoods bar in the hills of Ol’ New Hampshire where the state motto is “Live Free or Die”…and that is exactly what we do at Judd’s Juke Joint. Pull up a chair by the fire, snuggle up next a love one, pull the tab off another Pabst Blue Ribbon 16 oz’er and enjoy another Judd’s Juke Joint Xmas (remember: you gotta read this as you would the “night before christmas”).
“A Judd’s Juke Joint Xmas”
Twas the night before Xmas, and all through the Joint
The beer was a flowing, let’s get right to the point.
The bar tabs were hanging by the register with care,
In hopes that the regulars would soon pay their share.
The patrons were nestled all snug in their booth,
While a couple of strippers danced for their loot.
Sweet mammas in G-strings, pranced in dude’s laps,
Maybe someone will get lucky, just maybe, perhaps.
When up on the stage there arose such a clatter,
The blues band tuned up, the windows did rattle.
Away to bathroom, someone flew like a flash,
Tore open his baggie and laid out his stash.
The goon rolled a heater, of green sticky griff.
Old habits die hard when the band plays a riff.
When, what to his wondering eyes did he see?
Well, not much, since there was, such a thick could of weed.
With a count-off from the drummer, so lively and quick,
The guitarman done played a nasty blues lick.
Judd’s Juke Joint was jumpin’, the place was insane,
The singer was rousting all the locals by name!
“Hey Gilly! Hey, Huntely! Hey, Tony and Mini!
Yo, Erik! Yo, Zucco! Yo, J.P. and Quinny!
Raise up your mugs! This here tunes for y’all!
At the Juke Joint we never, shout out ‘last call’.
The owner he pulled down, from top o’the shelf,
A bottle of hooch he had saved for himself.
That shit was strong, he made it in his shed,
He passed out some shots; three people fell dead.
He stood on the bar and to the crowd he did yell,
“Might as well get rowdy ‘cause were all goin’ to hell!”
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He huffed up three lines of some fresh-fallen snow.
The people all partied ‘til the sun came along,
And the band kept on playin’, song after song.
Judd’s Juke Joint keeps open ‘til the last person stays,
Who knew that would not be, for almost four days.
As the last person left and the front door was shut,
We looked over our shoulders, ‘fore the ‘lectricity was cut.
In the window, a message, in bright neon lights,
“Live Free or Die”, to all you New Hampshire-ites.
