Sample in Jar: Drop in, Drop off and Drop out (TMI Alert)
A few years ago my wife an I were traveling in India. We were at the start of a three week jaunt from a visit up north to the very touristy “Golden Triangle“ that would lead us down through Mumbai, Hampi and much further south to Kerala. One of the cities in the Golden Triangle is, Jaipur. There is much to see in do and In Jaipur: the Pink City itself, the Nahargarh Fort and, if you are so inclined as my wife, the many, many jewelry stores.
That part of India is widely knows for the fantastic gems, stones and ornate jewelry that is mined and produced there. We walked up and down the street until my wife felt the right vibe from the right store. No sooner did she find her shop were we inside, shoes off, drinking aromatic teas, incense swirling all around us and staring at a fantastic pile of gold and gems laid out on the desk before us.
The owner of the store saw the that my wife had the “I’m here to buy” look in her eye; he had his “A” game on for sure. While my wife was looking through all of the earrings, rings and bangles, our friendly shopkeep set his sights on me: the money man. He started to ask us how long we had been married (at that point: 6.5 years). He then asked us if we had kids: “No”, was my reply. As soon as I said that, you could see his suit coat start to bulge out due to the his large, growing shark fin that was beginning to emerge from his back.
Him: “No children, you say…how come?”
Me: “We just aren’t ready yet.”
Him: “Well not to worry…not to worry at all, my friend.
Me: (chuckling) “Now why would you say that…my friend“
Him: “Because(!), I can tell just by looking at you that you will have no problem having children. You…YOU…have GREAAAAT Power. Yes, you have great power in you and your first child will be a son”.
Me: Oh really? How can you tell?
Him: I know things my friend, I know things…and I know that your wife admires those earrings she is trying on. They look stunning on her”.
Ah…the nature of the shmooze and sell. Like I said, he had his “A” game on. What he didn’t know is that my wife was hell-bent on walking out of there with something stunning. After a couple hours of her having the time of her life, she nabbed her booty.
I was thinking of our Indian jeweler friend today as I was on my way to the women’s clinic to give a semen analysis (yes, you read that correctly). I hope that guy was right. Yep, the wife and I are officially ready to have that kiddo he was asking about. We have been giving it the old college try, but we haven’t graduated to the next level yet. We have the books and the calendars and the will and the planets and stars on the ready…but, thus far, no dice.
Better safe then sorry as they say…we both decided it would be a good idea to see if all the plumbing worked. The wife checked out AOK…supreme health and all systems go. My turn. Today I went in and proudly procalimed that I was there to do what I spent the better part of my early puberty years trying to hide from others. It is a funny thing to do actually. You show up, stare the nurse right in the eye and tell her, I am ready for my cup: drop in, drop off and then drop out.
I got in there and there was an array of, ahem, material to assist me in my efforts. Just in case, I had my ipad and a strong 3G connection at the ready. I was looking at the stack of magazines they had in there thinking, “where the hell is the hazmat suit”! I started laughing at myself until I turned around to see a second, but smaller, collection of mags hanging on the wall (see pics). I stopped laughing. Hey, desperate times can call for desperate measures, I guess.
Enough said. I think you are with me at this point…and if you are, I suggest you might want to leave the room.
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OK. That wasn’t so bad. Cheap thrills come easy…but, this one wasn’t that cheap, actually. It cost me quite a few pounds for that sample; I had no idea I was worth that much on the open market. Hmmm, “great power”, indeed…
I find out my results in the next couple of days. Hopefully they are more careful with the lab work then they were with the handling of the sample. The woman behind the desk dropped mine on the floor and almost stepped on it. Again, nothing left to do but laugh.
I walked out of there singing this song:
Hopefully tomorrow I will be singing this one:
p.s. how about that sign on the front door of the clinic?! Can you imagine the poor bastard who was a walk up and had not received the email? Yep…he’s on his lunch break, he’s not too hungry and he figures, “hey, I might as well go earn a few bucks, check out some free porn (that IT blocks at work) and score a cheap thrill. And what about that “extensive” inventory audit. Did they mix up some samples? Have to color code them? Is the freezer on the fritz? Whew…that must be a real humdinger of an after hours party.
p.p.s. That last photo is not my assistant at the clinic…that is our friend from India. I hope you are right, buddy, or I’m returning that stuff my wife bought.
